As of yesterday, it has been 2 weeks since I haven't used social media. I feel a whole lot better. To be honest, I don't want to reactivate my accounts. I'm deliberating what to do, I feel really free and don't want to go back. I will probably reactivate sometime next week or the week after, but I think I'll continue to avoid social media and only post art but continue to not use it otherwise. I hope I don't fall back in to the trap of using it again...

In other news, did you guys see the Sonic Movie trailer? Apparently they are going to change the model due to the backlash, the director announced it yesterday. Someone I know described the trailer as shitpost: the movie and that's the most accurate thing I've seen lol. (Gangster's Paradise - really???? I like that song but... why!? lol)
In my opinion, this is really fishy. They decided 24 hours after the trailer dropped to re-animate the entire movie? Such a huge amount of work? I... just don't think that's likely. Imho this smells like a publicity stunt. People were calling for them to change the model back when the design first got leaked and filming had already finished, that was like half a year ago now. I really think they had already decided to change it prior to the trailer dropping, but still had all the work they already did with the old model and thought it would drum up free advertisement and discussion. Paramount have access to Sega's Marza animation division for this movie (they do the CG cutscenes in the Sonic games and are very good, they are the ones animating the movie too), as good as Marza are I don't think they would be able to redo such a huge percent of work in a small window of time now.

One last thing!! Evangelion is coming to Netflix next month! You had all better watch it!! :}

I don't have much else to add, but here's another good song. Check it out!

It has been almost a week since I have stopped using social media and I had no idea that I would feel this much better. I am no longer anxious or feeling overwhelmed in my day to day life. I feel like I am able to focus a lot more on what is happening IRL and with those around me, rather than constantly being fed information through my timeline about people I never even interact with or speak to.
Not even that much time has passed and I feel great. I didn't even realise how miserable it was making me feel until i crashed. On a daily basis I felt dread checking my phone, like I was waiting for something bad to happen to me. Now I understand that's exactly what I was doing because I saw it happen to other people online nearly every single day.

I've been reflecting on it all this morning, and while my feelings may change to some degree as more time passes I think I've made an elective decision to not reinstall any social media apps on my phone. It's inevitable I will return to social media, I don't have much choice as an artist. But I can control how much time I spend there and how much I interact with others/what I see there. Frankly I feel so much better that I don't want to go back, period. My eyes are open now.

So, I will only use social media to post my art via PC and try not use it otherwise. That's probably the best and healthiest option moving forward.

As for other news, finally the heatwave here is over and it's cool today!! The past few days have been almost too hot to bear (even though I love the sunny weather). I'm really glad to have a cold day today to just get a break from it though.

Oh! And here is a great tune I found the other day. I'm listening on repeat, please check it out :}

This is my very first entry here! I don't feel like I will use this much, only when I feel like it.

I guess I can start off by saying that right now I'm not very happy on social media :{ I think I am having a very difficult time adapting to the modern internet. Everything is so different now. It feels like a very hostile place and I don't really feel comfortable.
I have been using the internet less and less the past several months. I feel like I've made great progress and strides with my art but, I have to be honest, I don't really like engaging on the current internet.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very appreciative of all the support I have recieved. It makes me happy to know anyone could enjoy my work. But I'm really not the type of person that enjoys the spotlight on them and really, while it is nice to know people are liking and sharing my work... it just... all feels like a numbers game. Rarely do I recieve meaningful feedback. That makes me sound ungrateful and I'm honestly not; it's just that I don't care so much about the numbers. I put my art online to engage with others so it's a little bit discouraging (?) almost I suppose that so many people could view your work and not comment etc. I don't know. It makes the numbers in the number game feel artificial almost. It's very hard to articulate my thoughts on this feeling.

Yesterday, I deleted my twitter account. Well, for the moment anyway. I also abandoned my tumblr months ago and I don't plan on returning there. I bring these up because these were the two sites I felt the most awful on overall. There is a lot of negativity and discrepency with the userbase. Twitter didn't used to be so bad but it feels like lately it has gotten really bad... I don't really like being there anymore.
It's funny because I have a lot of followers on both of these sites! You would think these are the places I would enjoy the most for that reason as it would attract the best amount of feedback. But much to the contrary, I don't really get much meaningful interactions outside of the numbers game. And every time I log on, it feels like some witch hunt or big problem is happening every single day. That's not a criticism against anyone who does care about any raised issues, it's just, when you see that constant information pushed in your feed for months and months, it wears on you :{ I used to go on the internet to get a break from real life. But nowadays I feel like I revert to real life to get a break from the internet.

I don't follow many people online either, but the way social media works now is that it doesn't matter how you curate your account/the content you opt in to see, it doesn't matter who you follow or who you don't follow; social media alogrythms push this garbage information into your feed regardless to maximise your engagement and time spent on their website. It's a startling realisation that hit me within the last few days and I have come to understand that participating in this is not a healthy way to operate my day to day life.

I'm at a crossroads at the moment as to how to pursue my future internet usage. For one, I don't really have much of a choice except to use twitter as an artist; it's where the audience is. However as I said before I have been using the internet much less within the past several months. Probably since around this time last year I stopped using the internet in general, with exception to twitter so i could keep up with some of my friends.
But I think it's to the detriment of my wellbeing to continue to do so. I think the solution is to stop using twitter too. I will only post my art there and ignore it otherwise. Maybe social media just isn't for me :{

As well, really, I just participate there on the hopes of meeting new people or making new mutuals/friends and... that rarely works out. Half of the time everyone is too scared to talk to each other for fear of following the "wrong" person and landing them a callout by association or something (I've witnessed enough of online culture to know this really does happen. If you get too popular, if you like the wrong thing, people become like vultures looking for just about anything to use so they can tear you down and rip you apart). I've fallen in to that trap too. For me I had one solution; the only winning move is not to play. So I stopped interacting with anyone online in general because I didn't want to accidentally upset someone or say something that can make me look bad out of context. But that's not right. That's not what the internet was supposed to be. And I've realised that social media is almost like the anti internet for content creation/creators in that sense.
But that is the way it is. There is no empathy online. People do not take things you have said in good faith. Everyone online thinks only in black and white and that is just a fact. So what choice do you have but to protect yourself by making the only winning move; not playing.

I'm really quite thankful for neocities. I feel like I can browse this site and just get a feel of what the webmaster is like with no stress or worry whatsoever. I don't have to worry about who to avoid, what drama is happening where, I can just browse to my leisure about comfy homepages.
I have never been the type of person who has found myself in drama both IRL or online. Luckily everyone I've encountered on a personal level has been very nice and easy to talk to. All I want is to live an easy, drama-free life and make some art that maybe others online can enjoy too.

It's funny, back in December my Japanese friend Okami notified on her twitter that she would be deleting all of her SNS. She still has a pixiv so I still try to keep in touch and comment on her art because I love her work. I was so sad at the time because not only did I worry we would lose contact but Okami was a very popular artist so I couldn't understand why she would want to rob herself of the recognition and attention I felt she deserved. Now I think I understand Okami's feelings on why she decided to unplug from SNS a little better.

As for me right now, deleting my twitter, blocking social media sites and deleting all social media apps from my phone has already made me feel a lot, lot better. I suppose I just need to figure out a plan long term as for what the best thing to do is.